Treatment is going.
I guess it's going well?
I get weighed every program day, so three days a week. This might change, I dunno.
I had a talk with Stephanie, she's my nutritionist. She want me on a mealplan with a snack of 3-4 exchanges, so basically 4 meals. Ish.
She told me that I'm supposed to weigh 107. I'm currently 100.7 and not where I need to be but also not super far away ish. It's recommended I gain 1 lb per week.
The thing is, of course, I knew something bad was going to happen when she told me what I needed to be at. I have an eating disorder for a reason. Weight is a big deal to me. Duh. I've obviously been at 107 before. The thing is? I've been higher than that. Usually 110. Max 115-120. That was maybe freshman year of highschool and I'm not hitting that again. That scares me, that I've been higher. I'm sure I'm probably allowed to be at those numbers, but they said "ideally, we want you here." and I took that to mean that I've been really big before.
it's really messing with me.
I dunno how to process that. I'll probably bring it up to heidi on monday, and we'll talk about it there.
In group yesterday after dinner, it's called UT group (idk) and we drew a situation from recently and processed it. One girl drew herself finally being at a good place with her body and feeling good about herself and being medically ok too, and that her mom would be really proud of her. It made me so happy that she was finally happy with herself, and maybe I could have that too. I know she's young, and I'm not much older than she is. I know that. I totally get what she's going through. We're all here for that.
It's kind of weird. I'm 20. There's another woman who's older and has a real world job and then ~2 girls who are still in highschool. There's nobody who quite gets my exact situation of college and being here and having to deal with this.
I guess it's going well?
I get weighed every program day, so three days a week. This might change, I dunno.
I had a talk with Stephanie, she's my nutritionist. She want me on a mealplan with a snack of 3-4 exchanges, so basically 4 meals. Ish.
She told me that I'm supposed to weigh 107. I'm currently 100.7 and not where I need to be but also not super far away ish. It's recommended I gain 1 lb per week.
The thing is, of course, I knew something bad was going to happen when she told me what I needed to be at. I have an eating disorder for a reason. Weight is a big deal to me. Duh. I've obviously been at 107 before. The thing is? I've been higher than that. Usually 110. Max 115-120. That was maybe freshman year of highschool and I'm not hitting that again. That scares me, that I've been higher. I'm sure I'm probably allowed to be at those numbers, but they said "ideally, we want you here." and I took that to mean that I've been really big before.
it's really messing with me.
I dunno how to process that. I'll probably bring it up to heidi on monday, and we'll talk about it there.
In group yesterday after dinner, it's called UT group (idk) and we drew a situation from recently and processed it. One girl drew herself finally being at a good place with her body and feeling good about herself and being medically ok too, and that her mom would be really proud of her. It made me so happy that she was finally happy with herself, and maybe I could have that too. I know she's young, and I'm not much older than she is. I know that. I totally get what she's going through. We're all here for that.
It's kind of weird. I'm 20. There's another woman who's older and has a real world job and then ~2 girls who are still in highschool. There's nobody who quite gets my exact situation of college and being here and having to deal with this.
No comments:
Post a Comment