fainting

One of my campers came back today. She was out sick Weds and Thursday with something. 
Short story. She left before 11. 

She said she wasn't feeling well, and my CIT took her to the bathroom to get a drink or something, whatever. 

She fainted. Then when she woke up she vomited. 
Poor baby. 
My CIT told Maggie she "wasn't feeling well and went home." Which is true. But when a kid loses consciousness we need to know exactly what happens. Turns out she fell forward on all fours and didn't hit her head, which is great. 

That scares me a lot though, wow. 
Especially cause I know what that's like and it IS scary. I hope she's okay for Monday, maybe she wasn't ready to come back physically, but you could tell she was excited for camp. I don't want her to worry. 

I'm always lowkey worried when doing dance or something, that I'll overdo it and go to ground. Maggie and I have a plan, but I don't want it to happen. Although I'm gonna exercise my ass off tuesday in that Belle dress, omg. Trying to provoke it but still be safe, so the doctor can figure out what's going on and how we can fix. I'm at the place where it's lowkey symptoms and if I keep going I will hit ground, but I pull myself out of it and I'm good. 

I wish that little girl didn't have to go through that. She'll be okay. 

Note to self

Appreciate your directors.
Utilize them to be scary people when you need them to be.
don't wait until there's two days left.

you shouldn't have to suffer at camp, it's supposed to be fun for you too. 



You can't cry at camp.
It's really a big no.
It drops morale and enthusiasm real quickly
I can't tell you how many times we've all had to just take a walk today because we would end up yelling and making things worse for the kids if we didn't. 
It was bad. 
Very bad.

I waited until I got home to cry. It's okay. 
I am so drained and done with a lot of these kids and it really sucks that that's the case. A lot of them are wonderful and lovely and angels and they try their best but the two or three jerks have to ruin it for everyone. 

I swear to God if the Hooligans have the balls to show up to camp these next few days, I will just go off. I do not need to worry more than I already am this session, but they're in the back of my mind all the time. 

It's Always Second Session.

A lot of bad things happened inside and outside of camp and I kinda need to rant. 

Without fail, every summer I've done full camp (mmm...about three now? This is my fourth? I dunno) second session always goes to hell.

• weird themes (planes, trains, boats, cars/new york new york/decades)
• Songs and dances that are either
• Strange
• complicated 
• or both
• Complicated campers
• medically (which is totally not their fault at all, but it is challenging for us)
• behaviorally (oh, he's off his meds because it's summer! Do you not understand how rigorous this camp is?)
• both
• other
• Complex staff
• Sometimes our CITs are wonderful and we really squad up and make it through together. Think Wendell. 
• Other times they're absolute crap lazy bums who do nothing and are really chummy with the kids when that's not allowed in the handbook
• thankfully, we have wonderful CITs this session who are the Squad up variety. This is not always the case.
• 9/10 times we have a full camp
• This year we're actually OVER enrollment by two. 

A lot went wrong today. Some of it was preventable. Most of it was preventable, actually. Kids and parents KNOW this is a PEANUT FREE CAMP. INCLUDING PEANUT PRODUCTS.

so, please tell me why you felt it was okay to brig your child a pb&j for lunch when you've been here fr four weeks. There are kids who are severely allergic. No. 
Also, kids, Quiet means quiet. I absolutely hate hate hate yelling at the campers. This is camp and I know it's super challenging and tough but I want it to be fun for them. Today I had to raise my voice and crack down at them and I absolutely feel horrible about it. 100%. Those kids really tested us so much just because they knew there were no directors watching. 

I...just...today so far was really kinda crappy and this was not the way I wanted to go into tech tomorrow. I have so much to do with camp and class and session 3. I hate when this is stressful. Soon it will be third session and everything will be better. 

Oh. also. Boy's been drinking a lot recently. He goes to his friend Jarrod's or has a few beers here. With permission and every once and awhile is absolutely fine. But when you have another without asking Mom? No. Wrong. 
He wanted to go again tonight and mom shut that down real quick. 
He thinks if he has one beer and waits four hours, he's good to drive. Alcohol passes through everyone at a different rate. 
There is a history of alcoholism in my family. Two people in my family generationally below my grandparents have it. 
I've seen how much it can screw up your life. For his birthday, my uncle asked his parents to pay his electric bill. Because he drinks too much of his paycheck to pay it himself. I absolutely love my uncle to pieces. His life has taken a horrible turn and I am so scared that Boy will turn out like that. Fortunately the other person with alcoholism has managed to turn their life around, went to AA when we were little, and doesn't even touch beer. Occasionally he'll have a fake beer, again, totally fine. 

Alcohol is illegal for Boy right now. I'm not even majorly worried about him getting busted. I'm worried about him screwing his life up permanently. 
He knows this, it's no secret. 
He just needs to get his effing act together before he screws up so bad we can't help him. He's nowhere near that point right now. I just know that he has the possibility to get there and it's really quite scary.

ugh

Mom doesn't mean it, but she's kinda being a transphobic butt. 

There's a transwoman who went to a swim meet in our neoghborhood who had the same dress as my mom's friend (and wore it better!) which mad mom's friend slightly mad. 

Yes, trans people do have issues. 
So would you if everyone told you you were living your life wrong from the way you truly felt.
It's like telling someone with blue eyes that they're brown. That person knows they have blue eyes, they can see it, but when the light reflects off the other person's eyes, they don't see the blue you know is there. 

It's really frustrating. 
She'll come around. 
I hope.

The Good and the Bad

Good:
Getting paid!! Yaas!
Also I'm 90% sure one of the CITs I did a snow white camp with back when I was in 5th grade and she was in 3rd. Will have to confirm.

Bad:
Feeling off around the kids. I hate that a lot. I don't want them to see me if bad things happen. That whole being-a-burden thing. Not in front of the kids.

I also totally forgot there was a step and fell/tripped on the way out of the staff meeting. New bruise! Marquise was like omg Q are you okay? Yeah. I'm good.