dark things

School is here. It's okay. 
My mentees are lovely people who want to be there. 
That is wonderful. 

I'm still stressed out. I worry about a lot of things. A lot of people. My mentees, my roommate, my friends. I worry about myself too, of course, but I'm a backseat to making sure everyone else is okay. That's how it is. How it's been for a long time. 
I worry about people a lot. 
I'm trying to stop worrying, but I think it's impossible. 

I worry a heck of a lot about my future. What do I even want to do with myself? 
I need to get myself together. 
I need money for Germany
I need to make things happen, and they're not going to come to me if I'm just sitting here. 

I think I might e on my way to having anxiety. It's not too bad yet, but when it's dark, it's dark. I want to not be able to worry for a few days, not a few hours. Lots of time I'm ok, I'm good, don't gt me wrong. But sometimes it's like sadness is running my console. 

I don't want anyone to worry. Please don't. I hate thinking that I'm taking up people's time, and part of me knows I'm not, but a bigger part of me worries that I am a huge inconvenience to people. That side wins. 
A lot of the time.