Sunday, May 31, 2015

This is another whiny pipe dream rant.

usually I'd put a read more and tag this as 'ignore this' on tumblr. you really don't have to read this.


My cousin (ish, everyone we don't know the relation to is automatically a cousin) Stephanie went to LA and the UK for awhile. She tried and tried to land a role in shows and movies but nothing worked out Her dad even funded a large chunk of some project but it bailed. 
The closest she got was an extra in Bella and Edward's wedding in Breaking Dawn. 

That is a big reason why Mimi and Mister don't support theatre as a career. Mom was on my side for  bit and then completely switched. I understand the need for having a stable income and how that's super important for insurance and food and rent and how it's a tough life in theatre always bouncing and looking for the next thing so you can have money. 

That doesn't mean I don't love it. That doesn't mean I can't try!! I know I'm not the greatest thing out there. I am fully aware. 

without theatre, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. It has always been a huge part of my life nd I can't give it up. I know they won't support a english and theatre double major. They want something I can get a stable and respectable career in. (Not that teaching makes tons of money either).

I'm just really at a loss (as usual) and kind of devastated. But I'm also sick and cranky and overanalyzing and overthinking again. It's really weird when people ask me what my major is and I usually tell them "i'm a declared english major but I'm thinking about doing xyz". Then they ask what I'm planning to do as a career and their faces when I say "I don't know" are full of disappointment. I'm 19! I have no idea what I am doing!! 

I want to do so many things. I just need to prove that they're stable. Boy is looking into Physical Therapy, something medical. Something stable and safe. I feel like crap and that Im being unrealistic and childish. 

Somebody pick a career for me. I am very tempted to just declare a theatre minor and see if I can bump it up to a major later. But I am so scared of disappointing other people and what they'd think. 

I just can't imagine my life without theatre being in it in a major way. It's been that way since first grade. I can't live like that. This is something that's always on my mind somewhere. my ignore this tag has a lot of posts like this. 

God I'm being overdramatic, I'm sorry. I should probably go do something to take my mind off of it. 

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